Our beloved Versace departed last Tuesday and it has been a painful week adapting to the deafening silence.

Since moving to his new house (yes, there is no doubt this was his house – 4 heated beds, 3 doonas, several fluffies, and two blankets within a stones throw of each other, meant that wherever he decided he wasn’t to be he was comfortable!) and the  pancreatitis that followed soon after in October the year before last (2010) he had been quite needy of me in particular.  He didn’t like me out of his sight, and had at least 21 guilt inducing looks to convey in varying degrees, his agony and distaste of me leaving him, for whatever reason!  And trust me I modified my work schedule, my whole life really to accommodate him.  Not because he insisted, but because I didn’t know how long we had, and I loved him to bits, and still do, and wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.

Versace had to eat several times a day and had to be on a specific diet for pancreatitis (which came about because of cortisone medication macrolone not being a glutton, that also causes it).  Always a fussy eater, this was not easy.  In the last months he was happy with 3 meals, and having lost a significant amount of weight (at his lowest under 28 kilos) we did our best to keep his weight steady.

Mr. T didn’t have the patience to feed him, as it took an hour a time.  He wasn’t the type of dog to eat alone.  Our cats would join him, and sometimes eat out of his bowl with him there…..we were following BARF principles…..they especially liked the goodies that I had to keep dropping in so he would ‘fish’ them out.  He loved the time with me and he loved me chatting away to him constantly.  (as a side note I’ve been talking for a living for 20 odd years! So it comes rather naturally!)

I was a willing participant.  I did not begrudge the time spent with him, pandering to his needs (there was also a lot of hands on stuff, massage, tickles, stretches, rehab, play, walking, etc. Then there was regular stem cell injections, chiropractic appointments, acupuncture, etc. ) I enjoyed it.  It killed my back, but I did it because I loved him and I really didn’t know when his last meal would be.

Since his passing there is an undeniable void.  So much time……. so much sadness.

I am at peace knowing that it was his time to go, though he did hang on for as long as he could, and there is a relief that I don’t have to worry about him anymore, but at the same time an overwhelming grief that he is not around anymore to chat with, laugh with, tell him not to be mean to the cats.  We were the best of friends, we were companions, we were confidants, we were family.

The most precious thing I hold on to is that he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was loved, and still is.

I knew that this day would come, although nothing really could have prepared me.

I have wonderful memories of my adorable ratbag.  He had such a healing presence, such a jovial, fun loving spirit, which lives on in my heart.

I know that my beautiful, handsome Versace is thrilled that he has a website dedicated to him, and no doubt he is guiding my every word.

Mummy loves you my boy, my soft and gentle boy. I am so proud of you!  Visit me often, chat to me often, guide me, inspire me, love me. xxxxx

Ms. S